wow i havent posted in a long time. but yeah heres whats been going down.
in the past week or so, ive been angry. sad. depressed. suicidal. and hyper.

my stepsister summer moved in here like a week ago. and i love it no lie. like we get along great because shes the same age as me. and we just have fun and do all kinds of cool stuff. but summer is definitely the favorite. like everyone just flat out loves her more. shes the better child out of the two of us. because she has a good girl look about her. she has always played sports. always gets good grades. shes prettier than me. i mean come on. whats not to love about her? im not jealous or anything cause its always been like that so yeah. we never fight lalala.

but like 2 days ago or so. my family from new mexico came again. to see my uncle in jail. i mean i love my family from new mexico but i fucking hate when they stay at my house. because theres not enough room. and my baby cousins are fucking running around screaming and just pissing me off. and its just stupid. and today we were all at a mexican restaurant eating before they left to go home. and like so much stuff was getting to me. but i just bottled it up like always. i was pissed because the chick wouldnt bring me a coke. so i had to ask again but im like scared to do that. because im just shy like that. and so my sister was giving me shit about it. and my cousin steven was talking so much shit to me. like making the stupidest jokes about me and it just pissed me off. and my baby cousins were screaming and throwing fits. and i just couldnt take it anymore. and steven said something to me that pissed me off. and i was just like "fuck you steven nobody gives a shit." and looked down and started popping my rubberband against my wrist. and he just kept saying shit. and i kept telling him to shut the fuck up and stuff. and my family started like staring at me. while i kept popping my rubberband. and my face got so hot. i didnt know what to do.

then after my mom stepdad and sister got home. i looked at my wrist and its all purple from the rubberband. ugh and i got so pissed because my parents thought i was just pissed because of steven and im NOT. he just triggered me up to my final point. and i ended up getting pissed at him. i even plan on calling him tomorrow and telling him im sorrie and shizz. so yeah.

and also. ive been really suicidal lately. just because. i dont even know why. im realizing that this is just such a hard time in my life. everything is so hard to deal with. so much is coming at me. when i just want to be left alone. and sometimes i just cant help but burst into tears. im so emotional. and moody. and i dont know why. my life just hurts to keep going some days. and i just want to make it all stop. ive even thought about blowing my brainz out on my birthday this month. but i really dont think i could. im so scared. but yeah.

im hella tired. so ill fill you in on more of my shenanigans in another entry.
niiiiiight<3